I hadn’t heard from my dad in years. Last time I got an email from him was probably one or two years ago, but it didn’t contain anything memorable. Frankly, I don’t even remember what he said. Lisa always asks me, “what are you going to say to him when you finally meet him?” Well, that’s for me to find out and for you to keep asking .

I received an email from him last night, and it was definitely more memorable than what he sent last time. In the text, it sounds to me like he’s blaming the world for his lot in life; a bitter old man who has lived a life full of regrets and mistakes. I honestly can’t imagine how someone can live like that.

I’d like to believe that I knew someone who lived with such regrets. But looking back, to me, it seems like I’m the one with the regrets. It just goes to show how important people around me are, and how much they affect me. It’s vital to keep those who are important to me close by, otherwise, things can turn ugly.

When my family was still together, I can remember my dad being a proud man who had vision, who knew what was right for us. He was morally enlightened. But people change over time, just like everything else, things change. Maybe it was the monotony, maybe it was one too many beers, maybe it was the company he kept. Whatever it may have been, he started making decisions that did not benefit us directly. He believed in something that my mom disagreed with. And when beliefs come into play, you can bet it becomes a shouting match! I don’t think he did what he did out of malice, and I don’t think they separated because of any one mistake or reason. I guess that’s for them to know, and for me to interpret.

His hate is so deep, so dark, that even though he calls himself a Christian, he can’t forgive those who are his own family. I’m not sure why he sees everything that way. He blames my uncle (who lives there and is practically his only familiar connection to me), my aunt, my mom, and even me.

On the brighter side, he seems to have found his purpose again.  I hear he’s a minister now, doing what he’s always loved to do.  He really hasn’t changed much, to tell the truth, because I remember he was always lecturing me about morals and Christianity.  That’s what he did best!  I’m glad he found a career that he truly enjoys.  From what mom told me about him, he never really enjoyed working as a clothing designer/tailor.  She called him irresponsible; I’d like to think of it as unmotivated.  I think we’ve all been there, a wrong choice in careers; it just hurts that it cost us our family for him to realize that.

If Lisa asks me again about what I’m going to talk to my dad with, I know what I have to do.